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The Metro Transit Diaries
True Stories from the Minneapolis Metro Area
Metro Transit Diaries: The Dude 
15th-Aug-2005 01:07 pm
It's true, summer is notorious for its romances. Everyone is getting ever bronzeder by the second, and everyone's eyes are a little bit more open. Thus, when I was riding the bus back from my last day of work at Pier 1, I was fairly well astounded when my eyelids parted to reveal that "my type" of guy had just gotten on the bus - or at least, I thought he was my type. Anyway, if you've read the previous diaries, you know how rare of an occurence this is. Yet, there is an old adage that I fear I initially overlooked. That being: Light travels faster than sound, which is why people can seem attractive until they open their mouths to speak.

Still, this shirtless bloke that looked as though he just wandered off some Hawaiian beach climbed casually onto the bus with his dark brown eyes and hair (minus the sun bleached tips), a skateboard, and a killer smile. He was accompanied by a a not-quite-so-attractive friend, and the two paid their fare and sat right across from me. I'd admit, my stomach did a little pirouette. I was content to just admire his masculine beauty, and I wasn't planning to protest if he decided to talk to me. In hindsight - which is always 20/20 - I see that I should have been more wary.

I believe he winked at me. I can't quite be sure, because that might have just been my over-active imagination, but after the reverie was confronted with reality, I made an observation. No, not all that glitters is gold; it may still be beautiful, but it can also be shallow and irritating. Initially, he and his friend were talking about 311 - which is a thoroughly amazing band.

"Dude, I saw them at summerfest in Milwaukee and it was just... Dude, it was incredible. I mean, the most intense show I've ever seen."

Didn't think anything of it. The conversation continues...

"I was so there, dude. Completely wasted, moshing around, it was awesome, dude!"

... Surely, he would stop inserting the word "Dude" into every sentence once he got into a less passionate subject, right?

"Anyway, do you know if there are any concerts going on here this weekend? I would love to see a show, dude. I think it's been like... wait... Dude! I haven't been to a show in like three months, dude!"

He paused for a moment to ponder this. My brain paused, unable to ponder anything at all. All that I could do was hope that he had reached his "Dude" quota and moved on. At this point, it became clear to me that they were definitely tourists and I found myself wishing that he would wander himself back onto whatever Hawaiian beach he had strayed from, at the expense of my eye candy. He and his friend were discussing ways to see what shows were going on this weekend; "Dude, there's gotta be a paper or something. Oh dude! We could look it up on the internet. All we'd need was a library..."

At this point, he scanned the bus for someone to press with dudical-questions about the location of the nearest library. Why people with queries never ask the bus drivers is beyond me, but it never happens.

Dude: "Hey, uh - do you live around here?"
Inner Monologue: Well, maybe he's not so irritating after all. He's pretty, anyway.
Me: "Uh, yeah. Just in Uptown."
Dude:"Awww yeah, dude! We were just there, it's pretty cool. By the lakes and shit?"
Me: "Yeah. Right on the lakes."
Dude: "Dude that would be awesome! I'd go swimming every day, windsurfing. Dude, that'd be great."
Me: "It is..."
Inner Monologue: Nope, just irritating. Get to the point at hand. Focus. Foooooocus, young Skywalker.

It appeared that any and all intelligible thoughts had somehow evaporated and escaped, I suppose, through his ears and nose. The expression on his face was that of rapture, but there was no depth. It seemed as though his brain had jumped ship, leaving his head completely and permanently vacant. In this moment, he seemed like nothing more than a very shiny - and possibly delicious - candy coating, void of the necessary chocolate filling. He was staring off into space for a good 40 seconds before his friend snapped him out of it by returning to the topic at hand.

Friend:"So, do you know where we can find a library around here?"
Dude: "OH YEAHHH dude, we need to find out if there are any shows."
Inner Monologue: Oh Christ, I need to find you a dictionary! (Not to read, because I honestly doubt that he could've... but to beat him fiercly about the head and neck with. I feel that would've adequately satisfied me.)
Me: "Yeah, right across from Uptown Station. You can't miss it."
Dude: "Oh thanks, Dude! Do you go to shows here often?"
Me: "Not really."
Dude: "Awwwww, dude how come?"
Me: "Just don't really have the money, I guess."
Dude: "That sucks, dude. I don't really either, but I go anyway."

Thankfully, by this point we are at Uptown station and I tell them that this is our collective stop, and that I wish them good luck in finding a "killer show". As I'm walking back to my apartment, I distinctly watch the two "dudes" walk right past the giant, metallic L-I-B-R-A-R-Y letters that were indicating their intended location, and off into the frenzy of their own obliviousness.

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